If my husband were a moustache, he would be Tom Selleck.

What? I know, that title hardly makes any sense. But hopefully it will...

Last week was Jared's birthday, and to honor him, I am sharing this video taken way back when, at a mustache/ugly sweater/poetry party with our UCLA friends in December '07. The guys took their mustache growing and poetry writing very seriously, and it was hilarious. Here's Jared's. Consider it his birthday gift to you. :)

(The audio isn't great, so I've also included text below, but you still have to watch because his delivery is the best part!)

Jared is hands down one of the funniest people I know. His sense of humor is super sly and he doesn't often laugh at his own jokes, so people who aren't on their toes don't always know that he's joking. I don't even know how many times someone who is a bit new to Jared has asked me if he is kidding around. Yes, the answer is almost always yes! Some of our friends call him the Sleeper, because sometimes he'll just hang back and then say something hilarious when you least expect it. He does it to me all the time.

Love, thanks for making me laugh every single day! You : husbands :: Tom Selleck's mustache : mustaches.

If my mustache were

By Jared Lee

If my mustache were a soldier, it would be Rambo

If my mustache were a workout, it would be Tai-bo

If my mustache were shoes, it’d be by Versace

If my mustache played the piano, it would be Liberaci

If my mustache were a movie, it would be Dumb & Dumber

If my mustache were an SUV, it would be a monster truck Hummer

If my mustache were a coat, it would be made of fur

If my mustache were a martini, it would be shaken, not stirred

If my mustache were a formal, it would be an Armani tuxedo

If my mustache were a weapon, it would be an atomic torpedo

If my mustache were a missionary, it would be AP

If my mustache were a traveler, it would be Rick Steves

If my mustache were a comic book, it would be Hammer of Thor

If my mustache fought high cholesterol, it would be Lipitor

If my mustache were a landlord, it would be Mr. Roper

If my mustache were on Batman, it would be The Joker

If my mustache had a job, it would be a dentist

If my mustache were on The Office, it would be Dr. Crentist

If my mustache were a jacket, it would be made of leather

If my mustache were a burden, it would be light as a feather

If my mustache were a gun, it would be an oozi

If my mustache were a pool, it would be a jacuzzi

If my mustache were a wedgie, it would be a full melvin

If my mustache were cold, it would be zero Kelvin

If my mustache were an action hero, it would be Chuck Norris

If my mustache ruled Russia, it would be Yeltzin, Boris

If my mustache were jeans, it'd be tapered and tight

If my mustache were love, it would go all night